Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart
by wotchertonks7
Summary: Severus and Lily meet and fall in love for the first time. Then why do they feel like this has all happened before? SS/LE, and some JP/LP
1. Chapter 1

Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

By wotchertonks7

Pairing: Severus/ Lily

Rating: K+

Summary: Severus and Lily meet and fall in love for the first time. Then why do they feel like this has all happened before?

Author's Note: Based on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Lily and Severus keep meeting at different points in their lives. There is no Dark Lord, no wizarding war although inter-house tension and prejudices between magic ranks still exists. Severus and Lily keep meeting at different points in their lives only to be torn apart by jealous James Potter and the Marauders. However, they all discover that you just can't fight fate.

The title is a song by the Finnish rock band HIM.

xXx

Chapter 1

_February, 1982_

A dark, grimly dressed young man Apparated onto the little path just beyond the playground. He glanced around for any sign of muggles but found none. The day was unseasonable warm, yet the park seemed deserted.

It all looked much smaller than he recalled. He wasn't even sure why he had felt the need to return to this spot, or why on this particular day either. He had been on break at the hospital when he suddenly felt the urge to get away. It was just the muggle playground he used to visit as a child, long before he had managed to crawl out of that hole called Spinner's End. He ran a hand along the chain of one of the swings, hoping it would jar his memory.

What was he doing there? he thought to himself. Was he going mad? Had he been Confunded by one of those idiots at the hospital? He felt as if he had had a meeting of some sort, but for Merlin's sake he couldn't recall why or with whom. He sat down on the swing to gather his bearings.

There was a crunching sound on the frost-covered gravel and someone clearing her throat abruptly pulled him from his thoughts. His head shot up. It was a young woman in her early twenties with a baby stroller at her side. She raised an eyebrow at him.

He turned bright red and stumbled to his feet. "Sorry! Sorry, did you want…. I'll just—" He stepped out of the way and quickly headed down the path. He glanced back over his shoulder. The woman was still watching him. Her eyes were green and kind. He thought he had seen eyes like that somewhere but could not be sure where. The man lingered a moment to watch as she set her small son on the kiddie swing. Before long he departed, feeling far too intrusive on the cheerful scene.

He removed himself to a small teashop. Full of muggles, of course, but that was to be expected. Although he never wore the more garish clothes that were the fashion of wizards, some still looked twice at his black traveling cloak. He scowled at the waitress, ordered his favorite tea and proceeded to read his book.

Why had he left work early to come here? He wondered again. He was needed at the hospital, spell damage and curses he had to cure. At his rate he'd be a full Mediwizard in another year. Men like him had little need for distractions.

"Pardon me?"

He dropped the book under his table and looked at the intruder. It was the same woman from the park. She stood by his table, her child fussing in her arms.

"You're not a child molester, are you?" she said.

"I… what?" he answered, stunned by the question.

"I mean, a grown man hanging alone in a children's playground without a child of his own. Kind of dodgy, wouldn't you say?"

"No. No, I am not."

She pursed her lips. "Would you tell me the truth if you were one?"

"Probably not. You'll have to take my word for it, I suppose."

"That's exactly something a child molester would say to avoid suspicion. Mind if we join you?" She sat down and pulled her son onto her lap.

"I… what?"

"I always take Harry here for a snack before going to visit my parents. He likes the chips. Have you taken tea yet? Blackberry, right?"

"You are taking tea with someone you just accused of being a child molester?"

"Well, that shouldn't bother you, unless you really are one. Are you?"

He shook his head. "This is the oddest conversation I've ever had. Are you always this forward?"

"Most of the time. Annoys the fudge out of my husband." She smiled and removed her hood. Her hair was long and dark red and she was very pretty. "So, what were you doing on a swing set in the middle of winter anyway?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," he said. "I feel as if I've missed a step today. Like I've been sleepwalking. Does that make any sense to you?"

The woman stared at him. Her small rosy mouth opened to say something but no words came out.

"Forgive me," he said. "You must think I am a nutter, again. I should go."

Her eyes went even wider. "What? Oh no. No, please stay. It was just… never mind. It's just I'm not used to seeing a wizard in Lanarkshire."

He blinked. "I'm not… I mean. I don't know what you're… wizards don't…."

"Not many muggle libraries supply the latest edition of _Common Magical Ailments and Afflictions."_

"You are a witch?" His voice dropped on the last word. He paused as the waitress set down two cups and a platter of greasy chips. "I would not have guessed. You're attire is so… so…."

"So toned down?" Her smile brightened as she gestured to her simple blue dress. "I never did get on with the wizard color palettes. Too clashy for my taste. The first time I ever went to Diagon Alley I thought that being magical meant that you would eventually go color blind."

He nearly laughed. "You are from this town? So, you are muggle born."

She nodded. "I grew up a few blocks away from the park. And you? Only locals know about that place." He muttered something. "Sorry? Didn't catch that."

"Spinner's End," he said into his black scarf so she wouldn't see his blush. "I'm from Spinner's End, alright?" It was a shabby part of town decent folk tended to avoid. He had escaped from there and he never looked back.

"So, we probably played together as children," she answered, unphased by his meager background. "Did you go to Hogwarts? What year?"

"Ah, I started in 1971."

"We went at the same time?" She shifted her young boy onto her other knee so she could move closer to the man. "I thought you seemed familiar. It was just a feeling I had since I saw you on that swing and I had to follow you to make sure. Sorry about my behavior earlier. New mother, after all. Can't be too careful."

"Naturally."

"I'm Lily, by the way." She offered her hand. "Lily Potter.

"Severus Snape. Pleasure." Her hand felt warm and sent sparks through his body. He gasped a bit and let go.

She blushed and stared at him. "Are you sure we never met? I can't shake the feeling that I know you."

"I would recall if you were in Slytherin."

"No. I was in Gryffindor. Go red and gold!" She mock waved her fist.

Again he had the oddest feeling that something was missing. "Mrs. Potter. You would not be married to James Potter by any chance?"

"Guilty as charged."

"You are a brave woman. He was not my favorite person in school."

"Now I remember!" she exclaimed. "You were that quiet boy James and Sirius were always picking on."

He colored and sipped on his lukewarm tea. "That would be me."

"I am so sorry about that. I always hated the way they treated you."

"That was school. He is different now, I trust."

"He is. No more Big Head Potter, or not so much, at least." He did laugh this time and she frowned. "I am very sorry for what they did to you. James is, well, he's complicated. You have to get to know him. He's different around those he likes. Only half as arrogant."

Severus found the woman pleasant. They sat and talked for most of the afternoon. Harry eventually crawled into Severus' lap and toyed with the man's long hair.

"Oh, he likes you," Lily beamed.

Severus was uncomfortable around young children but did his best not to offend his companion. Lily grinned at the sight of them and he felt a shiver travel up his spine.

What was wrong with him? This was a married woman, he reminded himself. Plus, women did not flirt with him in general. He was acting crazy.

"Is that the time?" He pointed to the clock on the wall. "I should really be getting back to St. Mungo's. I am a resident there."

"Oh, of course." She took Harry back. "I did not mean to keep you here with my boring stories."

"Not at all. I had an enjoyable luncheon with you."

"Really? Then maybe you'd like to meet again next week?"

"Yes." He started at his boldness. "I, that is… what I mean to say… I would enjoy…." He wondered if he could Apparate without notice.

"Great. I'll fire call you."

He helped her carry the stroller to the front entrance.

"Happy Valentine's Day to the both of you." The waitress waved after them.

They turned to look at one another.

"I forgot that it was—" he began.

"So did I."

Lily looked sad for some reason. He had the urge to reach out and stroke her cheek. "Well," he said quickly. "Happy Valentine's Day, Lily."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Severus."

xXx

"Lily, at last," Rose Evans said as she opened the door. "I was beginning to think something had happened to the baby."

"Not at all mum," Lily answered and gave her mother a peck on the cheek. Harry was already kicking and wailing to get out of his seat.

"Little tyke," Rose said fondly. "So, what kept you? James surprise you with something romantic?"

"Not exactly." Lily set her coat aside and sat down. "Actually I just had a lovely lunch with a man. An old Hogwarts mate," she corrected.

"Really? One of those silly boys who had a crush on you?"

"No, mother." Her mum had never forgiven Lily for being so popular in her school days. "He was a boy I knew but I think we were just friends. At least I feel as if we were."

It was strange. From the moment Lily had seen that man on the swing she felt she had known him. Something about seeing him there, and then when he had looked up at her with those dark, soulful eyes…. She had seen eyes like that before. But where? She could not quite remember speaking to him at school. And yet she must have. How else had she known that Severus had preferred blackberry tea?

"How nice, dear. A friend of James?"

"No. Not a friend at all. In truth, James was horrid to him, though I can't remember why. Mum, did I ever have an injury at school that slipped my mind? Did I fall off my broom or something?"

"Gracious no," Rose said, chasing after a rambunctious toddler. "Though I wouldn't know half of what went on inside that bizarre place. If you had been hurt I'm sure that nice Headmaster Dumbledore would have informed me. Why do you ask?"

Lily turned it over in her brain. She made many friends at Hogwarts, many that she still kept in touch with. Why did she feel that she knew this man? That something was missing? She couldn't explain why today of all days she had wanted to stop by that little park. It had felt like she was, well, sleepwalking.

She shook her head. It was simply because she was tired. Harry kept her up most nights. That must be why she felt that strange sensation when Severus had touched her hand, the feeling that they had met before, that she dreamed of him. It was all in her head. She would meet with Severus for lunch again, they would discuss things and everything would go back to normal.

"No reason. How are you, mum? You and daddy still going to Majorca this summer?"

xXx

A/N: I don't actually know the name of the town the Evans family lived in. Since Spinner's End is a made up place, I simply chose an English town name that I liked.

Lily and Severus are about 22 here, and Harry is 2 years old.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_August, 1976_

The summer's day was uncommonly hot beyond any record in years. The sullen teenage boy wandered the park aimlessly, kicking up parched dust under his thread-worn trainers. His parents' latest row had driven him from the house, not that there was any air-conditioning to keep him there. It was far too hot to do anything but try to get as far from home as his weary legs could carry him and hope to find a cool spot.

Again, Severus wished it had not been school holiday. In school he could have used magic to summon a breeze, or a minor icing spell to cool his sunburned neck. Only a few more months, he told himself, and he would be of age and he could Apparate as far away Spinner's End as possible. And he would never have to deal with his father's drunken beatings or his mother's ceaseless complaints or those bullying boys at school. He'd be free at last.

He stopped by the little park he had liked to play at when he had been a boy. It was in the rich part of town where he used to imagine that he was one of those happy, privileged children with a nice home and caring parents. Severus took a long drink from the fountain before throwing himself down on to the nearest swing. The trees created a canopy overhead and provided enough shade to make the heat tolerable. He reached into his rucksack and selected a book to read.

Some time later he noticed a teenage girl stop to drink at the same fountain. Her hair was long and dark red and she was very pretty. She looked over at him and he could see her eyes were green and kind. He quickly returned to his reading and hoped that she would move along.

The sound of chains squeaking told him that the girl had sat down on the swing next to him. He looked down to see her pink painted toenails drawing circles in the dirt. After a while he risked a peek at her over the rim of his book. He was surprised to find her staring directly at him. She smiled and waved. Severus blushed and hid behind his book again.

"Pardon me, but have we met before?"

"Sorry?" He was almost too shocked to answer. Girls never spoke to him. They took one look at his hand-me-down clothes and over larger nose and they walked on, giggling into their hands.

"You seem so familiar to me. You go to Hogwarts, right?"

"Yeah, I do," he said.

"That's it. You're in Slytherin house. Snape, right?"

"Yes. And you're the Gryffindor prefect."

"Lily Evans." She held out her hand.

Severus felt sparks shoot through his body the moment he touched her hand. He gasped a bit and let go.

"Just don't have a go at my name, alright? I hate that."

"I… what?" he asked.

"You know. 'Lily of the Valley. Easter Lily. Pretty as a flower.' I hate when everybody has a go at my name. They even send me nothing but lilies, for every occasion. Now I can't stand the ruddy things. Mental."

He shrugged. "At least your mum didn't name you Severus."

Lily chuckled. "Yes, I suppose it could be worse. After all, my sister's name is Petunia."

"Ouch. She wins."

Lily laughed out loud. "So, you're not seventeen yet either? Still stuck in this hell hole because of the dumb Underage Restriction laws?" He nodded. "What have you been doing to beat the heat, Sev?"

He liked the way she said his name. Not in a teasing, cruel sort of way, but with genuine affection. It felt as if they had been friends forever. "I read."

"What about? Come on, give over." She deftly reached out and plucked the book from his hands. "_How To Survive The Worst-Case Scenario In The Wizarding World_. I say, this is rather unusual." Se flipped through its pages. "Expecting to run into a charging Erumpent any time soon?"

He smiled and turned his head o the side. "One never knows. How about this one?" He handed her another book from his bag.

"_Stars, Moons and their Secrets by Cassandra Vablatsky_. I wouldn't figure you for a Divination fan. Very wooly subject."

"Dumbledore says the centaurs can read the future in the stars. They are an ancient race but do not give up their knowledge. There must be something to it all, I suppose."

Lily clapped her hands together. "How about a midnight picnic? Here. Tonight. I can bring some sandwiches and drinks. You bring a blanket and the book and we can read the stars together, see if we can find our future."

He goggled at her. "You want to meet me in a park? After dark?"

"Sure, why not? You're not a nutter rapist, are you?"

"No."

"Would you tell me the truth if you were one?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"That's exactly something a rapist would say to avoid suspicion."

He shook his head. This girl was a looney. "You're the one who suggested we meet."

Lily laughed brightly. "I know. I'm just making sure. Besides, the Ministry of Magic allows for magic under desperate measures and I cast a pretty mean Bat Bogey Hex."

He eyed where her hand touched the wand in her pocket. "Fair enough. You won't get in trouble?"

"Nah, I'll sneak out. Done it loads of times. You?"

His mum and dad would probably be too drunk to even notice he was gone. "No problem."

"So, it's a date, then?" She said brightly.

Severus swallowed hard. "Yeah. Sure. A date."

xXx

Lily returned home skipping and humming a tune to herself for no apparent reason. When she got back to her room an owl was waiting for her. It had delivered yet another bouquet of trumpeting lilies from James.

She rolled her eyes and stomped on the flowers until they quit that annoying caterwauling. The owl hooted at her in indignation.

"Don't look at me like that," she said. "I can't get a wink of sleep with all that noise all the time. And don't hang around here expecting a return letter. I don't want any more bloody gifts, all right?"

The owl made a disgusted sound and flew out the window. Lily shut it with a bang.

Later when she was sure the rest of the house was fast asleep, Lily fetched her picnic basket, slipped out her bedroom window and headed for the park. For a moment it looked as if the boy had not bothered to show up and she feared that her bold manner of speaking had frightened him off. She knew she should ought not to have spoken to him in such a familiar way, but he had been so terribly flustered when she sat down next to him, trying to hide his face under all that messy hair so she wouldn't see him blush. He was so cute.

Relieved, Lily found Severus in the field behind the playground. He was sitting on a blanket and shyly waved her over. She joined him and his whole face seemed to light up before he checked himself and looked away. Lily felt her heart beat faster.

"So," she said. "What are the stars saying tonight?"

They lay back on the blanket and gazed up into the sky. Severus began a long recital from famous wizard books about the theory of star constellations and how the meanings changed due to the time of year, their position in the sky and what the observer had eaten for dinner that night.

Lily listened to the sound of his voice. True, Severus was not a terribly handsome boy, but his voice was like honey and his eyes were deep and clever. And, more than anything else, Lily liked boys that had a great… big… brain.

She noticed that every time she sifted her legs or arms he'd cough and twitch his fingers in a nervous way. Lily had the urge to tickle him just to hear him yelp. He was so shy, so unlike all those bragging, loud-mouthed boys in school who never gave her a moment's peace.

"And those two are the Magic Twin stars," he said as he pointed into the sky. "Sometimes they appear together and sometimes not but they always find one another again. No one can explain this phenomenon."

"Where? I can't see."

"Right there." He took her hand and directed it at the said stars. His hand felt warm against hers and she could feel sparks running up her arm. She shivered.

He let go quickly and she had to bit back the sudden cold she felt.

"It's a great feeling, don't you agree?" she said. "Just lying here watching the world pass by all around us. I could lie like this for days."

He twitched again. "You could? You wouldn't find this rather… tedious?"

"Relaxing is tedious to you?"

"There are just so many things I could be doing. Studying, preparing for exams, thinking about a career after Hogwarts, if I'm going to work in London or maybe go abroad."

"You think about those things all the time?"

"There's nothing wrong with being prepared."

"Like that book. You expect the worst in things and think you can control them."

"I'm not trying to control things. I have to work hard everyday of my life to be the best in my year. And that doesn't cover half the prejudice I have to fight being in Slytherin. If I falter, if I slip then my grades will drop and it may be the only thing that keeps me from getting the right job." He bristled with anger at her grin. "Don't make fun. Other boys in school find it more engaging to waste their time playing games. They may have endless leisure time at their disposal but I plan on doing something with my abilities. I should have known better than to discuss such matters with a Gryffindor."

Rather than taking offense at his—she could only describe it as snarkiness—Lily found him intriguing. At their first meeting she had assumed that he was an intelligent man. Now she was sure of it.

"What are you planning on doing outside of school?" she asked. "Tell me."

The irritation drained out of him. "I… well, I've been asking Professor Slughorn about becoming a Mediwizard."

"Really?" She propped her head on her palm to face him. "That's a really tough career. You'd need straight O's or at the very least E's in Potions, Charms, Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts to be accepted into the Healing program. Plus you'd need years more of school."

"You've looked into this."

She blushed. "I thought about it. I really like Potions. It's my favorite subject. Professor Slughorn says I'm the best in this class."

"Really? Funny because he's said the same thing about me."

"Being nice, I suppose. Anyway, I've thought about becoming an Apothecary. Or maybe working in Muggle Relations. People like my parents would love to know so much more about our world, and think of all the things we would do for them. Think of all the lives a Mediwizard could save at a muggle hospital, if not for that stupid decree."

He was smiling now. "You sound like you'd rather be a muggle-rights activist and take on the Ministry."

"It would be a lot of time and trouble, I know. That's why I like to lie here and look at the sky. It makes me feel small and insignificant in a great big world, and that's not such a bad thing. You can just drift and forget everything for a while. You should try it."

"I don't think—"

"Just for one moment. Force yourself! Look up at the sky and don't think at all. Just tell me what you're thinking."

Severus looked like he was debating with himself whether to speak or not. "I… if I tell you you'll either think I'm pathetic or a nutter."

"Now I really have to know. Go on. I won't tell anyone. Promise."

He sighed. "I feel… happy. Happier than I can remember being in a long time. I'm happy to be here in this place with you. It feels… right."

"Sev," she whispered and rolled over to rest her head against his chest. Her fingers toyed with his hair, which was not as greasy as it looked, and so soft too. "That's how I feel. Like I've known you my whole life."

"I know the feeling."

Later, Severus walked her home, his hand desperately trying not to tremble in hers. He was so nervous that she had taken the initiative to lean forward and kiss him goodnight. They both blushed a deep red.

"Meet me tomorrow?" she asked. "We can go down to the shore. Escape this heat."

He agreed and Lily watched him walk back down the road before climbing back into her bedroom. Another owl was sitting on her bed with three more bouquets.

"Out!" she spat. "Out and take those things with you! No more bloody lilies!"

She sat at her desk and took a few deep breaths to calm down. James was really getting on her last nerve. She decided to write him a long letter about it. Later. Right now Lily took out her journal and wrote about how she'd just had a lovely date with a boy.


	3. Chapter 3

Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

xXx

Chapter 3

_April 1982_

xXx

Severus went over the patient's chart again. Had he already administered the potion vaccination against Dragon Pox? He could not recall. A second dosage could cause organ failure and he dare not ask Head Healer Sage what the proper protocol would be. Such negligence would mean an immediate dismissal.

_This is all that woman's fault_, he told himself. He had never been distracted from his work until that bizarre day at the park. Lily Potter was certainly pretty enough to turn a man's head more than once, however, Severus saw plenty of attractive women pass through St. Mungo's everyday. Still, Lily possessed a keen and penetrating mind that hungered for knowledge, which was far more appealing to him than any physical charms. He started to bring new books for them to read whenever they could share a lunch together. She would devour magical theories like candy.

They met this time in a restaurant for children. A noisy pit decorated with brightly painted murals of wizards and trolls in garish tutus. It had a large play area magiced to resemble a forest clearing for the children to explore. As proof of his declining sanity, Severus had even gone into a toyshop and purchased with good galleons a stuffed pony. It had a yarn tail, button eyes and would gallop in circles around the room. Harry squealed with delight and was off to chase the pony as it scampered under a table.

"That is the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Lily laughed at the sight of the bemused children playing with the enchanted toy.

Severus shrugged. "I saw it in the window of this little shop and—" He trailed off and stared at his cold plate of half eaten chips.

"Yes?"

"You wouldn't believe this, but it was like I'd seen the thing before and I just knew you would like it."

That feeling had been occurring more and more lately. It used to be he'd see a woman with red hair in the streets and pause for a moment. Then it would pass and he would move on as if it had been a mild case of déjà vu. Something about red hair and green eyes had always followed him into his dreams. He had chalked it up to a hidden desire of a lonely man. Male hormones. That was all.

Until he met Lily.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Her voice pulled him back into the present. "Sorry. What was that? You were talking about that job offer at Spore's Apothecary. Did you get it?"

Lily sulked into her coffee. "Yeah, I did."

"You have an odd way of reacting to good news. Shouldn't you be happier? You haven't changed your mind, have you?"

"No. It's James. He doesn't want me to work. Says I should be at home taking care of Harry, that any time away from his mother would confuse him and harm his routine. I told James that it was only part time and he went on again about how he has plenty of money and that I don't need to work."

"And you told him how you feel?"

She lowered her eyes. "He can be so difficult sometimes. He's a Gringotts-vault baby. He doesn't understand the desire to do something in life other than sit around and read _The Daily Prophet_. And Harry does need me right now."

"And how happy will you be changing diapers all day?"

"I have a child," she snapped. "That's pretty hard to ignore."

"The child is not the issue here. This is about you wanting to do something that matters to you and your cowing to the will of your husband. As usual."

"Don't you dare have a go at James!" Her face was very white now, her eyes bright with anger. "You never liked him anyway. You don't know what he's like. He loves us and wants only the best for us."

"So long as it doesn't inconvenience him. A few hours a week wouldn't ruin your perfect little lives nor would it be harmful to the boy in any form. Besides, it's clearly what you want to do. If he can't see that then he's a bigger fool than I've always thought him to be."

Lily crossed her arms and glared at him. "You are not my husband, nor are you the father of my child! So, don't you dare start trying to tell me what to do with my life!"

"I see," he said in a chilled tone. "Forgive me, Mrs. Potter. I spoke out of line. I shall leave you to your own decisions from now on." He got up to leave.

"Wait!" She seized his arm with a speed that would make James Potter the Seeker proud. She looked positively terrified. "Please don't go, Sev! I didn't mean to lose it like that. Please sit back down."

He did and she breathed easy again. "It's not you I'm peeved at. You're right. I do want this job, but James…. I just don't think it's a good time right now."

Severus said nothing. Lily looked agitated. Perhaps she was under more stress than she let on. He could still felt the touch of her warm hand on his arm.

"What are we doing, Sev?" she asked. Her green eyes stared straight into his.

"What do you mean?"

"This? What are we doing meeting every other week like this? Are we forming our own book club? Are you so bored that you want to spend your free time hanging out in a children's restaurant? What is it you want, Sev?"

"We are friends," he replied seriously. "I want to be your friend."

She gave him a weak smile. "That's what I thought." Lily reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her that he dreamed of her at night, that he saw the shadow of her in every woman with red hair he met. More than anything he wanted to leap over the table and kiss her.

_She's a married woman! She's a married woman. She's married to your worst enemy. Their son is playing in the next room._

What was he doing anyway?

xXx

_August 1976_

xXx

They had met the next day and taken the tube to Brighton. Lily wanted to see the carnival stands along the boardwalk. Severus bought her popcorn and hot meat pasties. He even won at a ring-toss game and presented her with a stuffed pony that had a yarn tail and button eyes. She beamed with delight and he felt pleased with himself for a change.

She even managed to drag him into one of those muggle photo booths. Lily laughed and tried to get him to make funny faces with her. He resisted for as long as he could, but she was smiling at him and her pink painted fingertips were tickling his side. Without warning Lily grabbed his shirt collar and kissed him.

"Well, that at least got you to smile," she said as she appraised the photo strip. The last shot was of them, heads very close together, both smiling for the camera.

He remained silent as they walked along the beach.

"Is something wrong? You're awfully glum for this beautiful day." Lily reached out to take his hand.

"Don't," he said and pulled away.

"What?"

"Don't play games with me. What are we doing, Lily?" He stopped and turned to face her, his black eyes stared straight into hers.

"What do you mean?"

"This. What are you doing spending the day with me? Girls like you don't do these kinds of things."

"You mean spend time at the shore?" she jested.

He sneered. "Look at me! I know that I'm ugly! And look at you. You're brilliant and lively and funny. And you're beautiful. Girls like you don't hang out with guys like me. They don't kiss guys like me unless they want something. Or maybe Potter and his Marauders asked you to help them prank me. Are they about to jump out right now?" He glanced around them as if fearing a sudden attack. His fingers touched the wand in his pocket.

Lily shook her head. "You really are paranoid. Nobody is following us."

"Then you must want me to do your homework for you this term. Or you're having a secret laugh at me."

"I'm not. Honest I'm not. Sev, please calm down."

"What is it you want from me?" he snapped.

"I like you, you dumb berk!" she snapped back.

Severus could only blink at her. "No you don't. Nobody likes me. Nobody talks to me and I don't talk to anyone."

"Well, I do." Her hands were square on her hips now and her expression was sour. "And if you haven't noticed, you talk to me and I like talking with you."

He shook his head. "You like James Potter. All the girls at school do. I know that he fancies you."

"James is not the issue here!" Her face was almost as red as her hair. "Maybe I liked him at first, but he can sometimes be so arrogant. Besides, I'm here with you, aren't I? Or maybe you think that I sneak out of my room at night to have a midnight picnic with every boy I come across? Is that really what you think of me? That I'm some sort of attention seeking tart? If that's the case then you're as bad as he is!"

Lily threw the toy pony at him. He gasped.

"You can go back to your books and hating everything and everyone around you again! I won't bother in the future." Lily started to walk away.

"Wait!" Severus caught her arm. "I'm sorry."

"Save your breath."

"I'm sorry. Truly sorry, I just—"

"What was that? I couldn't hear," she hissed.

"This has never happened to me before. A girl saying she likes me. Ki…kissing me goodnight… on the lips…."

She shot him a wicked grin. "A boy, perhaps?"

He was about to shout something back when he realized that she was teasing him and his anger dissipated. "You really like me? Why? I'm not an easy person."

"That's the truth. You can be down right snarky at times."

"I'm what? That's not a real word. You made it up."

"It's the only way to describe you, so it's real now. And I do like you, Sev."

He blushed and squeezed the toy in his hands until it was fit to burst at the seams. "But… but you should be with Potter. He's a Gryffindor and popular and… and he doesn't have a conk for a nose or greasy hair. Why choose me?"

Lily closed the distance between them and put her hands against his cheeks so he would have to look at her. "I like that you think I'm brilliant first and beautiful last. James would say that I was beautiful and leave it at that. I like that you like smart girls, Sev."

Severus smiled, and like that night in the park his entire face seemed to radiate from the inside out, giving him a beauty none could rival. He dared to wrap his arms around her waist. When she didn't object he pulled her to him. "Yeah, I do. And you truly like snarky men?"

"Smart, snarky men." Her smile reached her green eyes, transfixing him on the spot. "What can I say? There's just something about them."

This time he was the one who kissed her. And the second time. And the third. And the time after that.

xXx

_September 1976_

xXx

The start of school term came around at last. Lily met Severus at Platform Nine and Three Quarters. She had pinned her new, golden Head Girl badge on her robe front. Severus was immensely proud of her. He said it only made sense, she being the cleverest witch of her age and all.

Lily adored him. There were times when he could be too much of an introvert, but then there were times when he would astound her with his thoughtfulness. Severus never let her regret that she was with him.

Even though they had spent nearly every moment of the remaining summer together, Severus was still rather awkward and shy around her. It made her want to do naughty things to him just to watch him blush and smile. He did have the loveliest smile, and it seemed like he saved it for her alone.

They boarded the Hogwarts Express and found an empty compartment.

"I have to go to the prefects car for a bit," Lily admitted. "You know, to get my instructions for the term, and then patrol the corridors with the Head Boy." Severus looked disappointed but urged her on.

The truth was that Lily was not looking forward to this day at all. The reason was waiting for her in front of the prefects' car, handsome and smug as ever and sporting a gold badge on his chest. It was as she feared.

"Wotcher, Lily!" James said. He rumpled up his hair and gave her a sparkling bright grin. Behind him stood his gang of Marauders, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and the Gryffindor prefect Remus Lupin.

Lily took a deep breath. "Hello, James. Hello lads. Congratulations on becoming Head Boy, James."

He thrust his chest out a tad more, making the badge glow in the light. "Yeah, thanks. You too, but no surprises there. Who else can make Gryffindor look it's best? Hey, what happened to you this summer? Something must be up with our house owls. I must have sent one every day to you but not one must have gotten through because they never came back with a message."

She tugged on her long braid. "No. They got through alright."

"Splendid! Then you got all the flowers."

"Yes, and you really shouldn't have."

His smile grew even wider. "Just a few tokens of my affection. Nothings too good for my girl."

"I mean, you shouldn't have sent so many owls. Four or five a day, it started to get annoying. And I already told you that I don't care for lilies."

"Oh. Oh, well," he shrugged what she said off as if he hadn't heard and put an arm around her shoulders. "Never mind that, then. Soon we'll be back in Hogwarts and the Head Boy and Girl will get to spend all sort of time together."

"Actually," Lily gently removed herself from under his arm. "James, there's something I need to tell you. Maybe you're friends can give us a moment."

"They're alright. What's up?"

She sighed. "I'm really sorry, James. You're a great guy, but the truth is that I met someone over the holiday and well… I'm in love."

James blinked as if she had been speaking in Gobbledegook. "Pardon? You… you're what?"

"I really am sorry," she said and she meant it. "I didn't plan on it happening, but this guy is different. It feels like we've known each other all our lives. He's become my best friend. I know it doesn't make sense but he just smiled at me and that was it. I was in love."

James paled. He no longer looked quite so handsome. "I don't believe this."

"Sorry. Truly I am." Lily had to sit through the longest twenty minutes of her life waiting for the meeting to end. All the while James was staring daggers at her.

_It is not going to be an easy year_, she told herself.

Finally she rejoined Severus in their compartment. He smiled up at her and scooted over to give her a seat. Lily slumped down next to him and rubbed her aching temples.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. She shrugged.

"Why don't you read for a while?" He placed a book in her hands.

"No thanks. I have a headache coming on."

"Lily, I really think you'll enjoy that particular book."

She decided not to argue and opened the cover. A puff of yellow smoke and a bouquet of daffodils appeared.

"For our new Head Girl," he whispered. "I hope you don't regret having a Slytherin for a boyfriend."

She threw her arms around him and kissed him. He had astounded her yet again. "No regrets whatsoever."

Neither of them noticed that they were being observed by someone who hated them.

And he had a plan.

xXx

I named the Apothecary shop after Phyllida Spore, the author of _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi._

Daffodils are one of my favorite flowers, so I decided Lily would like them too.


	4. Chapter 4

Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

xXx

Chapter 4

_May 1982_

xXx

The knocking on the door would not cease. Annoyed, he got up to answer it. Who would come to see him in such a storm? Who would come to see _him_ at all? A particularly nasty, and rather vulgar remark died upon his tongue.

"Lily?"

"I didn't know where else to go." Her voice was flat, without a trace of emotion.

Severus moved aside to allow her into his flat. "You're soaked." He cast a Drying Spell on her and then summoned a blanket from the linen closet.

"Harry is at my mum's place." She said, her eyes focused on his bookshelf. "It's her night to take care of him. James and I had an evening alone planned. First time it was just the two of us in… Merlin, I can't remember when. We were going to have a quiet supper together. Try and reconnect."

Severus felt something like a snake twist and bite in the pit of his stomach at the thought of Lily and her husband "reconnecting" with one another.

She went on. "Then we had this huge row and I had to get out of there, and then it started to rain and…."

"Sit down. Let me put the kettle on." Severus went into the kitchen and filled the teapot with water. He returned with two cups of hot tea. Lily accepted hers but did not drink. Instead she held it in her hands to warm herself. She ran a thumb lazily over the flower patter on the side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked tentatively.

Lily shook her head. "Dumb, really. Such a stupid thing to argue about. He used to say that after we were married things wouldn't change between us. He wouldn't treat me any differently, or make me into something I'm not. He used to value my opinions; he always said how smart and accomplished I was and that he loved me for it. Only now… now all he seems to want is a wife to stay at home and have his children and look pretty for him at Mugwump conferences. I told him that maybe I wanted things, too, and maybe they involved a career that didn't consist of changing diapers all day. And then, and then…."

"Yes? What is it? What happened?"

"Oh, Sev," Lily bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She was a woman who did not give in easily. "It was awful. We were arguing, shouting at one another, and James kept on telling me to forget it, but I wouldn't back down and… and he made like… he was going to draw his wand."

Severus sat up bolt straight. "Lily, did he do something? Did he—"

"Hex me?" she answered. "No, but I think for a moment he wanted to."

Severus felt his rage build in his chest. Arrogant, strutting James Potter. Bad enough the Gryffindor had bullied him throughout his school years, but to threaten his very own wife. To threaten Lily. Severus' fingers were clenching and unclenching on their own. The frail cup shattered.

"Sev." Lily pointed her wand at the shards and spoke a Repairing spell. "Those were your mother's. Please try to stay calm."

He was on his feet now and began to pace the room. "You can't come into my home and tell me something like this and tell me to stay calm! What did he do, Lily? What did you think he was going to do?"

"I don't know. He's never raised a wand to me before, and we've had some spectacular rows. But I outdrew him." She gave an odd, bird-like laugh. "James was always pits when it came to dueling. I drew my wand first and he saw that he could not get the drop on me. That shook him out of it. Then he started to say that he had just let it all get out of hand and that he didn't mean it and he begged for my forgiveness.

"So, there I was with my wand pointed straight at my husband and… and this is where it got really scary, Sev. I was looking at James and I swear to you it was like I had no idea what he was doing there with me. No, honest. I felt this cold wave of surprise, like when you're stuck in a dream and you know it's a dream because it doesn't feel right and you want to wake yourself up but you can't. I felt like James and Harry were nothing more than a bad dream and I wanted to wake up, but I didn't know how."

She was trembling all over now, but still she would not allow herself to cry. "Is that not the worst thing you've ever heard of? A woman thinking her husband and son are part of a nightmare? I don't know what's wrong with me, Sev. I think I'm going mad! Maybe I should go to St. Mungo's."

Severus sat back down next to her and took her hands in his. "What are you feeling precisely?"

"You'll think I'm a complete nutter. There are times when I'm with James and I catch myself staring at him, just watching him standing by the door or reading a book and it's like I don't know him at all. Like he's a shadow. A stranger. Or he'd say something sweet to me, and it felt like it was coming out of the wrong mouth. It's just, ah, it's just wrong. Did I marry a man just for money and security? Am I just sick and need to have my head examined?"

Severus put his hands on her shoulders. "You are not sick, Lily. Are you certainly are no galleon digger."

She looked at him. "Am I a bad person? You must think me so wicked."

"No. I certainly don't think that."

"Then why am I here?"

"We're friends," he said. "Good friends. You knew you would be safe here."

She smiled a bit. "You're my best friend in the world, Sev. And I think I hate you for it."

"Hate me?" He was taken aback.

"For saying that we are friends. For coming into my life and filling this gap and making me feel, making me think…."

"I don't understand. I thought I was a perfect gentleman."

"There you go again!" She squeezed his hands until he felt the curve of her nails dig into his flesh. "Don't you dare leave me to think I am alone in this. Don't you sit there and tell me that you didn't feel something that day in the park. Like you had been sleep walking and then suddenly you were awake."

He tried to escape those eyes, those beautiful, terrible eyes. "Lily."

"You felt it too! I know it. I see how you look at me, and when you touch me it's like a bolt of electricity going through my skin. I've been reading those books you bring me and I believe that this is old magic at work, Sev."

He gave a half-smirk. "That's ridiculous. That's—"

"Woman's magic?" She flashed him an angry glare. "Is that you're way of saying it's made up nonsense? Because I don't think it is. I believe that something is going on between us, Sev. We seem to know each other, intimate things that we should not know. I knew that those old cups with the periwinkles on them belonged to your mum. I knew your favorite tea was blackberry. I-I used to _see_ you in my dreams, before we even knew each other's names. Explain to me how that is possible."

She was very close to him now. He could count all the freckles across her nose and cheeks. He could smell the vanilla and cinnamon in her hair. And she was another man's wife. This, whatever it was, had to stop. "Unrestrained Occulemency," he said. "We could be reading each others' thoughts without realizing it."

She glared at him. "That is possibly the only stupid thing I've ever heard you say. You know as well as I that it takes years of training to become a Legilimens and that eye contact is essential. That is not what is happening here. Tell me that you are not having the same visions that I am. We knew each other from before."

_A red haired girl on a swing twirled her pretty pink toes in the dirt. She took a book from his hands, as if they had been friends forever. She laughed and he felt his world turn over._ Severus had to put some distance between them. "I… I do not know why these things are happening, Lily. I do know that you have been through a terrible ordeal and should rest. I'll make you a Calming Draft and things shall seem clearer in the morning."

He got up but she followed. Her small hands on his forearms were deceptively strong. "Coward!" she cried.

He stumbled as if she had slapped him. "Don't call me that."

"You are! You are afraid of the situation, of me, so you're running away and pretending nothing has changed."

"It has changed, Lily!" He seized her arms. "I was a respectable Healer trainee before I met you! I was on my way to achieving great things. Now because of you I can't concentrate on my work. I can't sleep through the night. I think of you constantly, and to what purpose? You are married, and even if you were not what would you want with me? A snarky, ugly misanthrope with no money and nothing to offer. Besides, right now you're very angry with your husband. Everyone knows that the quickest way to spice up a boring marriage is to find a dupe to stir things up. Is that what this is? I don't fancy on being a part of something… sordid."

"Why not?" When he did not answer Lily took another step towards him. "Why not, Sev? Is it because you feel the same way about me that I feel about you? You love me."

"Don't! Do not try and make a fool of me. I got enough of that from your husband and his friends at school."

"We're not talking about him. Tell me that you didn't know me that day at the park."

"I admit that I felt an immediate attraction to you, but that could be easily explained by chemistry and a tight blouse."

Lily put her hands around his neck, gripping him tightly so that he could not get away. "That attitude may have worked on keeping everyone else at bay, but not me. You won't push me away, Sev. I'm not a bad woman. I didn't get married only to grow bored and have an affair. I know this is wrong, but I can't help but love you. I need to know that this is real and that I am not going insane."

"And then what? You'll go back to your husband and forget that I ever existed?" The thought hurt more than he believed anything in the world could. Without intending to he put his hands around her waist and hugged her close. She was so small in his arms. The top of her head barely reached his shoulder. "Please don't forget me, Lily."

"I could never forget you, Severus. Never again."

He kissed her. Her mouth was sweet, like cherries. Her body melted against his. If this were part of some sort of insanity, he would endure it all. Happily.

xXx

_January 1977_

xXx

Potter had humiliated him, again. For no reason. Again.

Severus pushed his way through the jeering crowd. Some shoved him and called him names. Nothing very imaginative, but then again, Gryffindors were not the smartest bunch at school.

Others tried to pelt him with snowballs. However, he was no longer held under a full Body-Bind Curse by two wizards while a third hung him upside down and nearly gagged him on soap bubbles. He was now able to cast a powerful Shield Charm to not only block the projectiles but to hurl them back at their casters. He shot them one last snarl and turned back towards the castle.

"Hey! Hey, there! Wait up."

He ignored the voice behind him and continued walking. From the corner of his eye he saw the Head Girl running to catch up with him. Elkins, or something like that. She had long red hair that spilled out from under her woolen hat.

"Will you wait up a mo?" she wheezed and clutched at a stitch in her side.

Severus stopped. "Well, what do you want?"

She gasped for breath. Her face was flushed from the cold. "A-are you okay?"

He sniffed in annoyance. "Spectacular. I always enjoy being publicly humiliated by my enemies in front of the entire school. Now, if you'll stop wasting my time—"

"I'm sorry, for what James and the lads did. They can be such berks sometimes." Her face went as red as her hair. "James promised me he'd give up this childish behavior if I agreed to go out with him. He did seem to be more mature this year. I guess he didn't plan on me seeing this stunt of his. Have they been doing this to you a lot?"

"Since when does a Gryffindor care what happens to a Slytherin?" he snapped. "Especially one that's been kicked around by her boyfriend? Why did you interfere anyway?"

"Because no one else would!" she snapped back. "You're not very well liked, are you?"

He shrugged. "There's a tragedy. I'm really broken up about not being loved by the brainless masses. So, what exactly do you want?"

She straightened up and glared at him. "A thank you would be nice. And an apology, for saying _that_ to me."

"I'm not apologizing for… Potter had me hanging by my… everyone was laughing." He felt his face burn and turned his head aside. Why couldn't that girl take a hint and leave him alone?

"I know. That's why I came to make them stop. But you said that you didn't need help from a… girl. As if being rescued by a _girl_ is so bad."

"It is! I was getting teased enough as it was. Now they'll be merciless, having my butt saved by the Head Girl. Like I cannot protect myself from a bunch of slackers. You should have minded your own business!"

"Well, I'm sorry for wanting to help you out of an unfair situation! I mean, three against one. Four really, if you count Remus, not that he does anything but look in the opposite direction. And James being Head Boy, always strutting about the school, all while preaching about fairness and being noble towards his fellow wizards."

"I'm not worthy of his concern, apparently. Potter has hated me since the first day I came to Hogwarts."

"Why?"

"Does someone like that need a reason?"

She shook her head. "He promised me he stopped hexing people for the hell of it. Arrogant, lying git! He thinks he can tell me one thing and then act however he wants to, so long as I don't know about it? Like I'm some sort of fool and that he's so smart? How can he even get a broom off the ground with that fat head of his?"

Despite his best efforts, Severus was starting to like the girl. "Yeah. Big Head Potter."

She looked up at him and laughed out loud. "Oooh, I like that. I'm so mad right now I could hex something!"

"Remind me never to make you mad again."

"Be man enough to accept my help next time and you'll stay off my list." She shot him a knowing grin. "You're a clever boy, so I'm not worried."

Severus felt himself blush for a second time and tried to hide it under his hair. "How do you, ah, know I'm clever?"

"You were the only one to produce a Protean Charm on the first try in Flitwick's class."

He felt his blush increase. "You noticed that, did you?"

"It was a very complicated spell. I would have figured it out first, if you hadn't have beaten me to it."

"Is that so?"

"Yes that's so," she replied. "I'm first in all subjects."

"Not in Charms, obviously," he smirked. "Not in Defense Against the Dark Arts. And not it Potions."

"Hold it right there." She gave him a slight jab with a mittened hand. "There's no way you are better in Potions than I am. Professor Slughorn says I'm the best in his class."

"Funny. I recall he said the same thing to me."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "This sounds like a challenge."

He did his best not to smile, or at least not to smile any further. "You bet it is."

Her grin was bright and very pretty. "Are you sure? Don't summon up the Fiendfire if you can't control it. You might get burned, dungeon dweller."

"We'll see who gets burned, tower trudger. It would be easier and less painful if you admit defeat right now."

"Not a chance! I'm Lily, by the way. Lily Evans. And don't you dare have a go at my name. No flower jokes, right?" She held out her hand.

"I'd save that anger for your parents, where it belongs. I'm Severus Snape." Her hand felt warm and sent sparks through his body. He gasped a bit and let go. They marched towards the Potions lab side by side.

xXx

What began as rivalry turned into friendship. Lily and Severus soon became Potion partners and a month later they were dating. Lily invited him as her date to Slughorn's Valentine's Day Ball. She slipped a heart-shaped, candy-pink bit of parchment into his hands.

"I'll see you on Valentine's Day," she said and got on her tiptoes to kiss his lips.

Severus could not explain his good fortune. He could not remember ever feeling so happy. Had someone slipped him a dose of Felix Felicis without telling him? If so, he wanted to buy that wizard a drink.

On the night of the dance, Severus took special care with his appearance. He used what little coins he had to rent a semi-decent dress robe and even used spell-gel to take the grease out of his hair. He then went to wait for Lily outside of Gryffindor tower, his arms full of daffodils, her favorite.

It was not long before he saw Lily looking breathtaking in a light green dress. He began to step forward, but stopped immediately. She was not alone. On her arm was James Potter, dressed in an expensive, designer robe of Italian silk. She was laughing as she fixed a white lily on her wrist.

Severus could not breath. He could not move. It was as if someone had hit him with a Stunning Spell. He could only watch dumbly as the gorgeous couple passed him by without notice. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin followed behind them.

"L-Lily?" he sputtered.

She turned and gave him a confused look, as if she had no idea who he was. "Yes? Can I help you?"

Severus felt a numbing cold burn throughout his insides. "I-I thought… I thought that we… that we were…."

"That we what?" Lily said gently. "Are you looking for someone?"

Potter scoffed and put an arm around Lily's waist. "I think you are out of your league, Snivellus."

Black chuckled into his sleeve. Lupin merely gave Severus a pitying look.

Severus dropped the flowers and ran back down the hall. Of course it had all been too good to be true. They had all been playing a joke on him. He reached the bottom of the stairwell where he collapsed and drew his legs under his chin. No matter how hard he tried he could not stop shaking.

"Snape?"

He recognized Remus Lupin's voice but did not bother to look up at the werewolf. Tears were already spilling down his cheeks.

"A-are you all right?" asked the other boy.

"How could she do this?" Severus moaned. "I thought she really liked me. I thought she was different. How could someone like Lily be so cruel? She was the kindest, the most wonderful girl I've ever met. I loved her."

"I'm really, really sorry about this, Severus."

Severus managed to raise his head in time to see a wand pointed at him.

"Obliviate."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_May 1982_

"I dreamed last night that we were lying on a blanket in the middle of a park. We were having a picnic and were staring up at the stars."

"This was at night?" Severus said. One of his hands slowly stroked up and down her back. "That's a rather dodgy dream."

"It was more than that, I think," Lily chuckled. Her spine arched under his deft touch. "It was a midnight picnic. An invention of mine. Better than ones during the day because everything is completely different. A world remade. It felt wonderful. Like we were the only two people alive.

"It wasn't like that when I tried it with James. This was a few years back. He agreed to it, to make me happy, but I had felt edgy the entire time. I couldn't enjoy it for some reason. It felt out of sorts, if that can be explained. We should try it sometime. Can we?"

"You think I could refuse you anything after last night?" He smiled and pulled her closer, kissing her neck and shoulders. She giggled and sighed. This pleased him. "You do mean it, don't you? You do want to see me again?"

He sounded so afraid; a word, a simple word from her could crush this brave, composed young man. His snarkiness had been, as she thought, a protective wall that could be torn as easily as paper. She loved that he was willing to drop his guard for her sake.

"I do," she said and smiled brilliantly. "Of course I do. Why would you even ask such a thing?"

He met her eyes and held her there. "You know why. You might want to break things off now. I'll understand if you do. I won't be happy about it, but you have a family to think about first. I don't see how you should be expected to want me around. The chance of ruining your life, your respectability. Potter is a powerful wizard in the community. He could never lose a Quidditch game with grace. This will be much worse. I-I should never have asked you to… it was selfish of me to allow this to happen. I should have been stronger. Firmer."

Lily wrapped her legs around his hips and wriggled shamelessly. "You feel pretty _firm_ to me already, but I'm sure we can help that along."

He moaned and took her in his arms.

Later, after he had made them a simple meal, the bleak mood re-entered their midst.

"What will you do now?" Severus asked.

"Go to my mum's and get Harry. After that, I'm not sure." She took his hand. "I meant what I said, Sev. I need you in my life. It's like when we were in that restaurant and you had threatened to walk away. I felt this deadly chill, like I was about to bleed into nothingness. I was afraid that you'd leave and disappear and that I'd… I'd—"

"You'd forget me. As if I'd never existed."

She walked around the breakfast table and set herself in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt she ought to be wearing something tawdry and low cut, something skin-tight with black lace that left little to the imagination; too much red lipstick on her face, false eyelashes like tiny swords. Something like what those "scarlet women," as her mum dubbed them, might look like. An adulteress ought to dress the part, after all.

But this was not what she felt like. Being with Severus didn't feel dirty or like a blow against James. It was more like a puzzle piece sliding into place. She had come to Severus because she felt safe with him. Being near him was freedom. He was her brother, her friend, her conspirator, and her lover. He was her secret. He was her own.

"I'm afraid, Sev. I don't want to lose my son. They will be angry with me. They had all had such high expectations of me ever since I was a little girl. It made sense. I had a role to play. My life is what they all wanted it to be, even me at one time. The only puzzling thing is that I think the bridegrooms had been switched. The old switcheroo, they might call it. How bizarre, that such a thing could occur and I never noticed."

She stared into his eyes. "You are getting the worse part of this deal, Sev. A used woman, complete with baggage. But Harry needs a father. I must not fail in that, no matter what else occurs. I know that he is the son of the man you hated in school—"

Severus held her tighter. "He is your son, with your blood and your good nature. I'm already more fond of him than I thought I could feel about a child. Whatever you decide, Lily, I shall support it. I'm a fool. I've been a fool for you since the beginning."

They Apparated to Lanarkshire together. Lily had asked him to accompany her, perhaps to steel her strength, perhaps because she was too afraid to be parted from him. Suppose she had gone off only to find that Severus had vanished like Leprechaun gold in the morning light?

He was just as nervous as she was and kept her hand safely in his larger one. Maybe it was so that he could keep an eye on her as well, whether she might disappear into the air or back into her husband's house. Whatever the reason, she was grateful for this simple, supportive gesture.

Lily was no longer concerned about her constant feelings of déjà vu. What did the past matter when they had a future to plan together? They could erase it all, like chalk scribbles on a blackboard. It could be made into anything they wanted it to be.

She would take that job at the Apothecary, or perhaps Sev could find her a place at St. Mungo's. Why stop there? Lily had been a half-decent reserve Beater back in school. Perhaps she could retrain and sign up for an amateur team somewhere. She felt giddy at the thought of so much power.

Falling in love was just that. Falling. No idea where she'd land, if her feet ever touched ground again. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to.

Her childhood home came into view. It hadn't changed much. It looked the same as when she and Petunia came running home from the park with dirty knees and ice cream stains on their colorful frocks. She thought of her parents just beyond the front door. What would they say? Would they blame her? Was it something they had long been expecting to happen? How would they speak about her to their friends later on?

_Our Lily, a pretty girl, managed to marry far above her station, but lost it all, I'm afraid. Acted badly and he tired of her; she really didn't try to salvage it. She had it all and threw it away on a whim._

"You sure you want me to go in with you?" asked Severus.

"Abandoning me already?" She grinned so he knew it for a joke.

"I'd never give cause to be called a coward. I just don't want to bring you more harm than I already have. Merlin knows what your parents will say when they meet me. The cad who seduced their daughter."

Lily laughed, a warm tingling sensation. "I'm sorry, Sev, but the idea of you seducing me is mad. As I recall I practically stalked you and forced you into bed."

"You make yourself sound like quite the villain, Lily. But I won't let you take any of the blame. We'll see this through together."

She kissed him. Her palms were all sweaty from nerves. She rubbed them on her skirt.

"Well, time to face the music." Lily steadied herself and ran the bell.

A moment later the door opened. "Lily," Rose said brightly. "You're a bit early, but Harry's been eager to see you."

The boy charged past his grandmother and threw his chubby little arms around Severus' legs. He laughed and waved to be picked up. Severus did so and allowed Harry to toy with his hair.

Lily half smiled at this. The cat was among the pixies now. She glanced back at her mother, prepared for the hurricane to begin.

Surprisingly, Rose looked pleased. "Is that—" she began, "I say! Is that little Severus Snape all grown up? Dearest lamb! How are you?"

Lily felt she could've been knocked over with a feather.

xXx

_February 1978_

The meeting of the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers was held in a grayish round room that reminded Lily of the inside a beaker. How apropos, she thought. Wizards and witches from all over scrambled to find a seat. A Quidditch World Cup for intellectuals. Lily chuckled.

James sighed in that way he did whenever he was extremely bored. He never cared for Potions. Strange how as an Auror he had never been pressed to retain this information, vital as it was. That's what having a clever wife is for, he'd say to her and kiss her cheek.

He had agreed to come with her, at least. A jock in a room full of bookworms. How he must feel the tides had turned against him, and no Sirius there to guard his back. He was in agony, close to hexing someone just to break the tedium; she ignored it. She wanted to be there.

Lily was eager for the seminar to begin. Libatius Borage would be reading from his novel, _Advanced Potion-Making_. James never understood how she could love such an obscure branch of magic. He didn't care for anything so complicated and time-consuming. Lily, on the other hand, found it beautiful and bewitching.

James had left her to persue the home-brewed ale in the back. Potioneers, he could at least admit, knew how to make good spirits. Lily was examining Borage's book on its display table. Someone at her right made a tsking sound. She glanced up. It was a young man dressed all in black, he had greasy black hair and a large, hooked nose. He was glaring down at another copy of the book, his lip curled in contempt.

Lily was curious. "Master Borage has said something you disagree with?" she said.

"Several things actually," answered the man, not bothering to look up. He angrily flipped through the pages. "This man is a dunderhead! Half this thing is taken directly from Hesper Starky's work; the rest is fluffed-up tripe and untested theories. How this fool ever got published is beyond me. I assume they were running short of toilet rag."

Several people gasped. "Sure. Everybody believes that something is correct just because it's in print. Everybody does stupid things, but one shouldn't have to pay money for proof of it."

Lily smiled. She couldn't help it. "If you disagree with the author, then why are you here?"

"And pass up the chance to call him out? I've tested each of his potions and have found several flaws already. He calls potion-making an exact science, but that doesn't mean it can't be improved upon."

"Example, if you would be so kind?"

He glanced at her and she was struck. The man was not very handsome, but he had penetrating black eyes, deep and clever. She suddenly had an image of a teenage boy standing in a corridor, wearing elegant dress robes, his arms full of daffodils. Such an uncanny feeling, Lily thought, and quickly shrugged it off.

The man was regarding her, judging whether or not she was worthy of an answer. He must have found that she was for he turned to a chapter in the novel. "For instance, here, in the directions for the Draught of Living Death, he says to cut up the sopophoropus beans. I've found that crushing them with the flat side of a silver dagger is far more effective at releasing the juice."

"Truly? How did you discover that?"

The man turned his head slightly, letting his long hair cover his face. He muttered something.

"Pardon?" she said. "I didn't catch that."

"I lost my temper," he admitted. "Stupid beans are so small and tough, so difficult to cut up. I struck it with my dagger in frustration and to my astonishment it exuded all this juice. Who would have guessed that so small a thing could have held it all?"

"So, your brilliant discovery was no more than an accident?"

He hid behind his hair again and she realized that he was blushing like a schoolboy. She found that so cute.

"I would have discovered it anyway, I assure you," he snapped.

"Most discoveries are by accident," she added. "Without that falling apple, Newton would never have discovered gravity. He is probably the most famous man due to a mere accident."

"I'd rather be barely known for a true act of genius than celebrated for a blunder. Any true Potioneer would want to solve the mystery of an ailment in the most helpful way, not the one to gain the most self-interest. Starky is a fool, but he knows how to advertise. If he looked better in cut-off shorts I'm sure he'd parade around in those too."

Lily laughed. She couldn't help herself. The man had an—she could only define it as snarky—attitude that she found intriguing. She stayed to talk with him about potions and their properties. He was rather confused by her attention at first, although he seemed to be enjoying their discussion. He was sharp as nails with a biting wit that bordered on offensive, yet nothing he said was untrue. She liked smart men.

Something about him seemed familiar to her, she couldn't quite explain what. A scent, perhaps. The way he hung his head to hide his blush, the sound of his voice, all struck something in her that she could not justify.

"Shall I ask the house elf to bring us some tea?" she asked. "Blackberry, right?"

"My favorite," he said, gazing at her oddly. "How did you know that?"

She thought for a moment. How had she known that? A guess? No, she had been certain. But how?

James had returned to her side. She observed that her fiancée and the man flinched at the sight of one another.

"Potter," the man sneered through tightly clamped teeth.

"Snape," James replied, equally dripping with acid.

"You know one another?" Lily asked.

"Old school chums," said James. "Eh, Snivellus?"

"If by chums," said the man in black, "you mean you hung all of your mates upside down and hexed soap bubbles to spew from their throats, then we were chums on a regular basis."

"Now I remember!" she exclaimed. "You were that quiet boy James and Sirius were always picking on."

The man tightened his hand inside his robe pocket, readying his wand in case of an attack.

Lily rounded on her husband. "James, I want you to apologize."

James looked scandalized. "What? For what?"

"For all those years you tormented him. And for what reason? Because he was a Slytherin?"

"That was in school. Long in the past. We're adults now."

"You just called him _Snivellus_! Is that what you call adult?"

When it became clear that James had no intention of apologizing Lily grew angry. "You'll have to forgive my fiancée's rude behavior, Mr. Snape was it?"

His icy gaze softened on her. "Severus Snape." He extended his hand.

"Lily Evans." His hand felt warm in hers and sent sparks through her body. She gasped a bit and let go.

James wrapped an arm around her waist. "Soon to be Lily Potter. Isn't she beautiful? Sweetheart, didn't you want to see this old lecture thing? Shouldn't we take our seats?"

He was ushering her away, as if Snape was something dangerous. "Mr. Snape and I were discussing the use of moonstone in Peace Draughts."

"Lily, I really think we ought to sit down." His voice was flat and nervous. Something was bothering him.

She decided it was better not to fight. "Perhaps we could pursue this at a later time?" she said to her new friend. "I'd also like to know what you think of today's lecture. Tomorrow, the Leaky Cauldron for tea? How about it, Sev?"

Severus grinned at this. "It will be my pleasure, Ms. Evans," he said and bowed low. "You finally did something to be admired, Potter. You chose a smart girl to marry."

James pulled her away. Lily glanced back over her shoulder. Severus was still watching her, his eyes were warm and sad. She had seen eyes like his before, but where? She could still feel the spark where he had touched her hand.

He had thought that she was smart. She could not wait to continue their conversation.

xXx

_May 1982_

Remus Lupin opened the door to his humble flat. He was delighted to see an old friend.

"Lily!" he exclaimed and tried his best to hide his thread-worn coat sleeves at his sides. "What a pleasant surprise!"

It was more than a surprise. Remus started as Lily raised her wand to his face. She backed him into his apartment, her expression livid yet perfectly controlled. She could kill him, she was saying, and she made sure that he was aware of that fact. Another figure from his past joined them, locked the door and likewise pointed his wand at Remus' chest. Severus Snape.

He looked at them both and sighed. "The Memory Charm has worn off, I take it."

xXx

A/N: Next chapter, the truth comes out at last. I'm drawing it out, I know. This chapter turned out longer than I thought it would be.

The Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers was mentioned in Albus Dubledore's notes in _The Tales of Beetle the Bard_. I thought it would be something both Sev and Lily would aspire to join. I know that Severus had had the Advanced Potion-Making while he was at school, but I postponed the published date to give our couple another scene together.

Libatius Borage is the author of _Advanced Potion-Making_.

Hesper Starky was a Witch who studied how the moon's phases affected potion fabrication. (HP Lexicon)

Some of the text during the Potioneers conference was taken from _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. _

Thank you to everyone who has commented and/or faved this story. It means so much to me. And Happy Holidays to all!


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